Funny Parent Tweets

The parenting advice that I’ll be sitting with for a VERY long time: You either face your demons or they raise your children.

The parenting books don’t do enough to warn you about the fact that work ends at 5:00, the school gets out at 2, and soccer starts at 3:30.

Parenting is hard etc but I’m sorry if you’re allowing your toddler 2-3 hours of screen time per day you actually are failing them and you’re failing as a parent. This past week I saw at least a dozen toddlers running around with devices, some with phones clipped to their strollers(!). Your toddler has only been in the world for a short time. It’s still very interesting to them if you let them look up at it.

Everyone is saying gentle parenting, how do I handle a 2 years old child that would always go to kitchen to turn on gas??

My biggest problem with parenting-as-aesthetic is it has no humility. When we pretend we can curate our family journey and kids’ childhoods into vignettes, we forget that the most meaningful parts of raising kids can’t be chosen or styled. We don’t get to pick who our kids are or what they struggle with or if they get really, really sick or when they have a hard time. We can’t guard them from heartbreaks or accidents. We can curate their toys until the ugly loud plastic one makes them giggle incessantly. We can pick their outfits until they decide that one horrendous team jersey is the only thing they’ll wear for months (ask me how I know.) Sometimes you bake banana bread, barefoot in the kitchen, but then someone drops something and someone else hasn’t slept and there’s yelling and tears but the bread turns out ok. As a parent you’ll realize you don’t wish for your life to be beautiful or whimsical or luxe, you’ll be grateful your kids are healthy, pray they make friends, be glad you can feed and house them and they’ll never know how lucky they are that it all seems effortless. You’ll cry that you can’t take away their unique struggles. It will go too fast, and you’ll be glad you have a million ugly photos of yourself holding because they were so so little. You’ll realize your aspirations are simple: happy, healthy, yours.

Parenting turns you into a morning person the same way being chased by a bear turns you into a runner.

Indian parenting is pressure cooker parenting. One of the worst models globally. Not because parents are evil. But because the system is broken and no one questions it. Most Indian parents didn’t raise children. They raised outcomes. Children are treated like owned assets - Not individuals, not independent humans. Parents decide what you study, what you become, how you live, how you think, whom you marry, etc… Mental health, interest, curiosity, aptitude, all are irrelevant. The logic is simple. You are my child, you will do what I say. Most parents transfer their unfinished dreams directly onto their child. The child becomes a project. A second chance. A retirement plan. Not because the child wants it, but because the parent couldn’t become it. Failure in India is treated like a crime! If a child fails an exam, the reaction is not concern - It is shame, and the child is scolded. Parents worry less about the child well being and more about how they will answer ‘society and relatives’ This creates an unwritten contract. The child never agrees to it. The parent doesn’t even realise it exists. Parents genuinely believe they are securing the child future. Psychologically, they are securing their own unresolved failure. Questioning is seen as disrespect - The child who questions becomes the ‘bad’ one. Silence is seen as ‘Sanskaar’ Parents themselves were raised this way, controlled, unquestioning, emotionally suppressed. So the cycle repeats. You could be more informed than your parents, more educated, more aware, still you are not allowed to challenge them. So children grow up emotionally trapped. Questioning feels like betrayal. Disagreement feels like guilt. Silence becomes safety. Now let’s zoom out little bit more - A society where questioning inside the home is punished will never produce questioning thinkers outside it. Indians are not trained to ask hard questions. We are trained to comply. Ask tough questions and you are labelled arrogant, rude, out of control So children grow up afraid to question. Afraid to disagree. Afraid to think independently. Then comes society - Neighbours, relatives, and this toxic comparison culture. Someone else’s kid achieved XYZ. Suddenly, your child must do the same! IQ doesn’t matter, interest doesn’t matter, and capability doesn’t matter. What matters is only IMAGE. Indian parents are terrified of society opinion. Too scared to answer relatives. Too scared to push back. So they dump that fear onto their kids. They can’t fight society, so they dominate their children. Indian parents are terrified of society opinion. Too afraid to respond to relatives. Too scared to push back. So they dump that fear onto their kids. They can’t fight society, so they dominate their children. And let’s be honest - This cowardice comes from generations of patriarchy and obedience. Parents themselves never learned to say NO. So they don’t teach their kids how to either. Parents think they are doing good - But subconsciously, they are doing damage. Not intentionally. But damage doesn’t care about intent. This is not parenting - This is outsourcing personal failure onto the next generation.

The hidden advantage of parenting young kids is that chaos creates clarity. When you have a 2 and 4 year old, you don’t debate whether to work out. You have exactly one 45-minute window and you either use it or lose it. Single people with unlimited time optimize endlessly. Which gym? What program? Morning or evening? They research for weeks. They start Monday. They redesign their whole system after one missed session. Parents can’t afford that nonsense. The workout happens at 5:30am because that’s the only slot. The diet stays clean because you’re already meal prepping for kids. The sleep is non-negotiable because a toddler is your alarm clock. Constraints compress decision fatigue into zero.

An underrated part of parenting is bringing back the "special" feeling of moments that lost their spark after childhood. Christmas is a great example. Always special, just doesn’t feel AS special as an adult. But once you have kids of your own...it suddenly regains that magical feel.

I stole this parenting trick from the government. And it's eliminated 90% of power struggles with my kids. Here's how it works: My 5-year-old used to fight me EVERY NIGHT about brushing teeth. "No! I don't want to!" "You have to!" Meltdown. Tears. Exhausting. Then I changed one thing: Instead of "Go brush your teeth," I said: "Do you want to brush teeth before or after pajamas?" He thought about it. "After." Done. No fight. Teeth got brushed. What changed? He felt like HE was making the decision. But I was controlling both options. It's the illusion of choice. And it's genius. Now I use it everywhere: "Do you want to clean your room now or after snack?" "Do you want to wear your blue shirt or red shirt?" "Do you want to do homework before or after dinner?" Same outcome. Zero power struggle. The government uses this on adults all the time: "Do you want Candidate A or Candidate B?" (Both serve their agenda) If it works on adults, it DEFINITELY works on kids. Give them choices within boundaries. They feel empowered. You stay in control.

parenting tip kids can't really remember things until they're 3-4 so no point interacting with them until then

The unbeatable parenting hack is never to allow your kids to do the things that rich people don't let their kids do Applies to all areas of life

strict parenting really paid off.

Gentle parenting or Strict parenting?

This gentle parenting thing you people are doing will be the end of us all.

The parenting books don’t do enough to warn you about the fact that work ends at 5, the bus gets home at 4, and dance starts at 3:30.

a fun parenting reality is that my 3yo who fell asleep on the floor at 6 pm just came wandering into my room at midnight very confused and wanting breakfast.

My little parenting anecdote that I have experienced over my short 20 months of being a parent is they will literally do things when they are ready and no sooner. Independent sleep, weaning, etc. And we make ourselves miserable by trying to force them to meet specific timelines

The parenting blackpill is that it's mostly genetics, there's little you can do other than keeping them clothed and fed, and at most you can fuck things up by giving them a bad childhood. The rest is happenstance.

I imagine parenting a toddler is similar to trying to get Microsoft Word to number paragraphs properly.