11:30pm and i’m already picking out my outfit for tomorrow

david 🧋

“My parents wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer so I studied science...” - that doctor is gonna be dead in 5 years

mesh509

just realized george is 22 years old today

dream

Anarcho-Capitalism is not a political ideology. It is a description of the human animal.

Elon Musk

Just sold my soul to satan for 1 million dollars

Ranboo

my 2 year old is watching me play minecraft and im like ok, Im going to kill this dragon and he goes no daddy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

wint

tfw u sent ur mom ur ig password but she didn’t change her password so u still get a 404 whenever u try to log in

good afternoon everyone, this is your last chance...

Jack Butcher

just found out my parents have been lying about being dead for 22 years. i still love you mom and dad.

TommyInnit

im in jail for stapling a bunch of money together. i wish i had the bail money

When you die, if you get to choose between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, then eternal happiness is better than eternal nothingness.

Just been banned from the Apple Store for filming a 5 minute video on how to take apart a Macbook Pro

i wonder if the cia will let me bring a kitten into the office

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