the best way not to get fired is to never work

andrewchen

(looking at picture of daughter next to stack of cash) nice. shes getting so big *looks at daughter again* whats she doing?

wint

I can't stand the harry potter characters

my 2 year old is watching me play minecraft and im like ok, Im going to kill this dragon and he goes no daddy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

my mother just asked me if I was ok and I told her I was perfect

i don’t understand why my professors assign 3 pages of reading for a lecture that’s supposed to be 45 minutes

After years of praying to god I finally have my answer.

Thank you lord

im getting so tired of jordan peterson that im gonna start calling him jordan jenkins

My skin has tightened up so much I look like I’m 12

i dont get why u dont just buy urself a 9/11 santa suit and wear it on 9/11

ive met a dude who hasnt said bro once. im impressed. hes very woke

ive been having the worst anxiety attacks all week

i once saw a 5 year old get made fun of for saying hes a wizard