“I feel really offended when you make jokes about white guys because you just look like every white guy” - a white guy

Vaush 🇺🇸 🇧🇫

Wilbur Soot

if im not dead in 10 years ill conquer the world, make deals with russia, and become the 2nd coming of jesus

My room mate is addicted to heroin.

Literally.. hes addicted.

I don't know what to do

the FBI just kicked my door in looking for the 2 fugitives, 2 fugitives?!?

The emerging field of social media manipulation is too dangerous to be ignored. I will be dedicating more resources to this problem

Okay so I finally did locktober and it was fun :)
But damn I like this one.

I have a ton of them.

i have serious doubts about the existence of god because every time I see him or hear his voice he sounds like someone's uncle

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY! 

I'M A BIG FAN OF SAINT PATRICK'S DAY, I'M ALSO A BIG FAN OF GREEN THINGS, WHO WOULDN'T BE? :D

omg i love it when the cheese in the cheezits gets hard

im trying to think of a way to create another 3 letter word. got nothing.

i once saw a 5 year old get made fun of for saying hes a wizard