The Twitter Rules apply to everyone, including me. I don’t always follow them myself, but that’s beside the point.

Elon Musk

dream

thinking 2019 will be the year i quit this stupid job

James

I am an angry man. I will destroy everything in my world. For I am the Punisher.

pobnellion

tfw u sent ur mom ur ig password but she didn’t change her password so u still get a 404 whenever u try to log in

im getting so tired of jordan peterson that im gonna start calling him jordan jenkins

wint

i think i'm going to just go ahead and say that william shakespeare was racist

pregabalin puuppy

When you die, if you get to choose between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, then eternal happiness is better than eternal nothingness.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY! 

I'M A BIG FAN OF SAINT PATRICK'S DAY, I'M ALSO A BIG FAN OF GREEN THINGS, WHO WOULDN'T BE? :D

aimsey

im gonna start a business selling Ketchup of Sadness

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Jack Butcher

just found out my parents have been lying about being dead for 22 years. i still love you mom and dad.

TommyInnit

my 2 year old is watching me play minecraft and im like ok, Im going to kill this dragon and he goes no daddy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Hey thanks you guys for being here it means a lot to me

Ranbalt

so tbh, i’ve never hated anyone as much as i do taylor swift.

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