im in jail for stapling a bunch of money together. i wish i had the bail money

wint

Now this just in, the 2 year old's birthday party was a success, they ate 16 salmon salad sandwiches, ate 12 pieces of cake, and drank 2 pitchers of juice

Ryan Letourneau

When you die, if you get to choose between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, then eternal happiness is better than eternal nothingness.

Elon Musk

I BELIEVE THE WORK THAT GOD HAS FOR US IS WORTHY OF OUR TIME AND ENERGY AND WE MUST PUSH OURSELVES TO THE LIMIT

Congress should pass a law to ensure that never again will any president — either this president or another one — be allowed to unilaterally take this country into a war without the consent of the American people.

President Biden

Ashish ✦ ashuxi.eth

1. You have never lived until you've slept on a park bench.
2. A walk in the woods makes a man feel healthier and happier.
3. A walk in the woods makes 2 men feel healthier and happier.
4. A walk in the woods makes 3 men feel healthier and happier.
5. A walk in the woods makes 4

Wilbur Soot

what if instead of banning all guns, we banned all BULLETS??

An 11 year old asking How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Oxi 🐺🎃

11:30pm and i’m already picking out my outfit for tomorrow

david 🧋

so i've been having a lot of weird dreams about people i already know, and in some of them they are actually talking in tongues

brother stone

i dont get why u dont just buy urself a 9/11 santa suit and wear it on 9/11

I’m just gonna say it, if the world ended right now I’d probably be fine. I’m such a nihilist

The Scarlet Pumpernickel

The claw machine gave me a unicorn today, and my unicorn was unhappy about it.

So I took it back.

Tweet Hunter

AI Tweet Generator

Choose a X creator and generate tweets on the same tone and same topic with our AI X Tool

Last Generated Tweets by the community

Want to drive more opportunities from Twitter?