how am i supposed to know i’m not eating a cockroach if no one tells me

david 🧋

To all fans who have inquired about the recent disappearance of the 1-Up Mushroom: I have removed it from the game. Regular content will now resume.

Supper Mario Broth

i made my own version of an amish firetruck. i named it the firetruck of amish logic

Today Hillary won more votes than Donald Trump did in 2016.

tfw, you wait 10 years for a 10 year reunion then realize 10 years isnt even enough

i wonder if the cia will let me bring a kitten into the office

OK, no, not that. That might hurt my feelings.

obama's 2008 acceptance speech was the 1st time i cried watching a president speak.

thank you guys so much for all of your support, it means the world to me.

i havent been getting laid in over a year. im not angry. im just disappointed.

youve probably heard internet trolls are the new terrorists well guess what im internet terrorists

“I feel really offended when you make jokes about white guys because you just look like every white guy” - a white guy

hello im kanye west and im 99% sure im kanye west 😂