I can't stand the harry potter characters

SP(ook)Y

how am i supposed to know i’m not eating a cockroach if no one tells me

david 🧋

thinking 2019 will be the year i quit this stupid job

I’M NOT ALLOWED TO SAY WHATEVER I WANT ... BUT I’M ALLOWED TO SAY WHATEVER I WANT

ive met a dude who hasnt said bro once. im impressed. hes very woke

i don’t understand why my professors assign 3 pages of reading for a lecture that’s supposed to be 45 minutes

1.2 billion white people 1.2 billion black people 1.2 billion white people 1.2 billion black people

the best way not to get fired is to never work

if im not dead in 10 years ill conquer the world, make deals with russia, and become the 2nd coming of jesus

I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you

i once saw a 5 year old get made fun of for saying hes a wizard

my 2 year old is watching me play minecraft and im like ok, Im going to kill this dragon and he goes no daddy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

i wish i could just accost people on the street and be like “hey, you’re handsome”

just realized i’ve been taking laxatives since high school