im not lying when i say i own a $50000,000,000 hedge fund that mines asteroids for gold. i simply havent told anyone yet

wint

Wilbur Soot

Twitter should be banned, because free speech is more important than making money

Elon Musk

i heard there's a queen elizabeth ii doll that you can buy at Target. thats kind of cool

pregabalin puuppy

dude, i still don’t think it’s fair to say that the ps4 is a playstation 4; it’s just the ps4

sorrel "the mummy" kerr-jung🎃

just found out my parents have been lying about being dead for 22 years. i still love you mom and dad.

TommyInnit

i died 2 years ago & im still here, i remeber everything (except for 9/11)

Left my keys in an Uber. I guess this makes me a Dumbass

the best way not to get fired is to never work

andrewchen

Last September I came out as gay and ever since then my life has been amazing. I have met tons of new people and I have become a better me. However, I started to realize that recently I was changing. I was becoming someone I hate. Someone who doesn’t care about other people and only cares about himself. Someone who puts himself before his friends. And that’s the kind of person I don’t want to be. So, while I am still gay, I am going back to the closet.

Ranboo

omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

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