my 2 year old is watching me play minecraft and im like ok, Im going to kill this dragon and he goes no daddy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

wint

its ok every one. im not mad. its just that i broke both of my knees and couldnt get to my 9mm

Cybertruck will be amphibious for short distances, able to travel between small islands

Elon Musk

just realized i’ve been taking laxatives since high school

david 🧋

omg just noticed my prozac prescription has expired

So, this is what happens when you're running out of ideas for your SMP.

Kaz ♛

If Twitter gets sold, I will shut it down & move to Gab

1.2 billion white people 1.2 billion black people 1.2 billion white people 1.2 billion black people

gale na

Just realized how fortunate I am to have such incredible friends

Wilbur Soot

prezoh

(looking at picture of daughter next to stack of cash) nice. shes getting so big *looks at daughter again* whats she doing?

Now this just in, the 2 year old's birthday party was a success, they ate 16 salmon salad sandwiches, ate 12 pieces of cake, and drank 2 pitchers of juice

Tweet Hunter

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