A girl asked “why are you so short?”

I said “because I am”

She said “well why do you keep hitting me in the head”

I said “because you’re taller than me”

She said “but I’m a girl”

I said “what difference does that make”

She said “I’m going to report you”

I said “well go ahead”

Ranboo

Cass 🏳️‍⚧️

My room mate is addicted to heroin.

Literally.. hes addicted.

I don't know what to do

(In response to the tweet someone sent me regarding my injury)

Mark

Whenever someone criticizes capitalism, I can’t help but think of this:

The 2020 Tesla Roadster will be the fastest production car ever made. With 0 to 60 mph in 1.9 sec, 620 mile range, and 10,000 lb of downforce via active suspension, it will be the first true 21st century car. Production begins in 2020, so order

Elon Musk

i think i'm going to just go ahead and say that william shakespeare was racist

pregabalin puuppy

If Democrats had their way, they would...
1. Dismiss the trials, claiming they were rigged.
2. Start a civil rights movement against whites.
3. Require police to wear dashcams.
4. Call Republicans fascists.
5. Demand reparations.
6. Demand criminal

Ben Shapiro

My skin has tightened up so much I look like I’m 12

i havent been getting laid in over a year. im not angry. im just disappointed.

wint

1st anniv of me doing this job :D

Thank you guys so much for everything :D

i’m gonna put 2 shows on mute while i finish this paper

david 🧋

i’ve been playing minecraft for 20 years, and i’m still in awe of how the game keeps getting better

SungWon Cho

Nothing like a 5 hour car drive with 3 other people you don’t know to bond over some intense Fortnite action 😂

Maggdalene

my 2 year old is watching me play minecraft and im like ok, Im going to kill this dragon and he goes no daddy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

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