23 days ago
The absolute pinnacle of human determination is found when you’re faced with the task of carrying 10 bags in from the car and you stubbornly refuse to do it in more than one trip.
You get inside with zero blood flow in your fingers and a popped blood vessel in both eyes—but god damnit do you feel alive.
Sometimes you’re literally looking like a Circus Show balancing a detergent bottle on the top of your head so that you don’t have to make the dreaded second trip.
I had a boy who used to keep a 6 foot long bamboo cane in his car so he could attach bags on both ends and carry everything in. I saw him do it once—was absolutely hilarious. Literally bought a bamboo carrying cane on Amazon for this purpose.
At some point as an adult you just have to attach your entire self worth to random stupid shit in order to push through. If I can’t get inside in one trip with these 27 bags and the car seat, who am I even?
Then you got the gym folk who are a special type of hilarious with this: Getting into a perfect hip hinge deadlift movement pattern, standing tall, glutes squeezed, abs tight, chest up, shoulders back. Taking pride in the lift like it’s a 500 pound pull in front of everyone.
And big shoutout to the moms out there who somehow manage to grind out a clean 10-bag-carry while balancing a kid on the other arm. Straight up defying the laws of gravity.
The harsh reality is that you really just can’t trust someone who is willing to be reasonable and split it into a few trips. One trip is life. I’d no trip it if it were even possible.
Ok, this has been your much needed non-political Twitter rant of the day. I hope everyone slings 100 bags around today like it’s nothing. Always remember: Keep your bags close, and your enemies closer.